Lord Jim

 I have no idea where some books in my life come from.  Some I set out to purchase, some are passed along to me by others, while some seem to appear on the wind, depositing themselves into my life until I have read them.

  Lord Jim, by Joseph Conrad, is one of those books.  I don't know where it came from or how it appeared on my bookshelf, but being short, and non-churchy, I decided to dive in.

  And how complicated it is.  Not that I expected anything else, but I was surprised at the theme that arose--our inability to forgive ourselves.

  Lord Jim is based around Jim, a sailor who commits a massive mistake, abdicating his responsibilities in a time of need.  Jim is never able to forgive himself, and spends the rest of his life fleeing from this mistake, allowing it to haunt everything he touches in the future.

  How often do we live like this?  I have long believed that the hardest part about forgiveness isn't asking for it, but accepting it--we believe that the blood of Christ has made possible our forgiveness, and yet we are singularly unable to forgive ourselves.  We can forgive others almost anything, but when it comes to accepting the cleansing and renewing power of forgiveness, we seem to clench up, unable or unwilling to accept the grace that is offered.

  How differently we might live if we allowed the things of our past to remain there, and we were free to live unfettered and free, far from the transgressions of long ago, deeds we have asked forgiveness for, deeds for which we have been forgiven.  May we live as sinners who have been redeemed by the blood of the lamb, free from our sinful pasts and free from a fearful future!