The Narrow Door

I believe in a God of grace.

I believe strongly that the God who comes as judge is the same God who comes as Savior.

I am convinced that God pursues us with reckless love and wild passion.

I know in my heart that Christ can save despite my sins.

And yet it is so difficult, some days, to believe that God's grace is enough to overcome my sinful nature. I have small faith, lacking the confidence that God's grace is large enough to defeat my doubts about whether God can save me despite my unworthiness to be saved. I try to maintain control of my life, despite the fact that I cannot steer it anywhere but over the cliff, despite the fact that Christ reminds me that the only path to the abundant life is through him. I still want to drive.

This morning, in our Bible study, we discussed Luke 13:18-30. It begins harmlessly enough, discussing the kingdom of God as a mustard seed, as yeast.

But then, Jesus goes and stirs up all my anxieties.

Jesus talks about the narrow way, and how many will stand outside and knock, but their pleas will go unanswered.

At this point, I just start to worry. I miss the whole point about the people coming from north and south, from east and west. I make the argument that this warning is for the Jews who deny Christ, not for myself, who tries (halfheartedly, many days) to follow Christ.

But my own self-examination recognizes my wayward heart, and I start to think that I don't live a life worthy of entering through the narrow door. I recognize how wide the Enemy's doors are, how inviting they are, and how easy they are to open. I stray, window-shopping in the little shop of horrors, amazed at how easy it is to linger, enticed by the things that beckon me farther from the path that leads to life.

So many distractions, so little time...

Holy Lord, renew my heart & my mind. Teach me to trust in your grace, to revel in your abundant joy, and to rely on your wisdom. Show me the folly of my sins, and correct me in your wisdom, that I might grow nearer to You. Point me toward the narrow door, remind that I will still falter, but that your grace is sufficient for me. Show me how I cannot make it on my own, that it is not my will that will be done, how I must rely on you and you alone. This life does not need to be under my control--restore my confidence in your grace, that I might walk and not grow faint.

Amen.