Images

  I find myself staring at that ultrasound image, amazed at what I see.  I knew the ultrasound would be an incredible moment that would impact me in ways unknown, but sitting in that darkened room, watching as life unfolded before me, the wriggling, 11 oz. baby boy that is my son, I was in awe of what God has done.  Like a tidal wave washing over me, immersing me in ineffable emotions, the glory of the unborn babe was displayed on a television screen, and as I watched arms and legs glide and stretch, I wondered how on earth I could ever put into words the emotions I was feeling.  Awe.  Pure awe.

  As I sit, now, several days later, I am still gazing at the images, frozen in time, of the baby boy who will, God willing, grow into a man someday.  He is my son, and yet I owe everything to God, for the 9 months of pregnancy are nothing less than a miracle.  I have seen into the chambers of his heart, into his brain, and there is nothing there but miracle, cell by precious cell, building blocks of what I pray will turn into a man of God.

  Is it fair for me to dream about a childhood that has barely begun?  Dare I wonder what his laugh will sound like, what it will look like when he smiles, or what it will feel like when he takes me in his tender arms and embraces me with love enough to drown out the chaos of a thousand centuries?  Am I so bold as to dream of the love I can have for a child not yet born, a love that already bursts forth like water breaching a dam, flooding every corner of my life with wonder?

  I have been spending the last twenty nine years preparing for this moment, for the birth of this miracle.  I can scarcely imagine what it will feel like to see him in the flesh, wriggling and gasping for air like the wonder of God that he is, filled with life and desperate to announce his presence.  I may not weep, but every ounce of my soul will sing with joy as I watch him proclaim the mystery of life with arms and legs that do not yet know their strength to capture my heart, but reach for the life beyond, trying to grasp everything that awaits.

  Life draws near, as I transition from husband to father, from son to parent, and I begin anew, with fear and trepidation, with hope and joy lingering in all that I do, as I await the coming of my son, my joy.