Sermon on Parenting

Luke 11:9-13

 ‘So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!’

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As of today, I have been a parent for exactly 8 months. Which means I am not completely unqualified to give a sermon about what the New Testament has to say about being a parent. Only mostly unqualified, as I am in the enviable position of being able to meet almost all of my child's needs and wants without much trouble. Caleb doesn't know much beyond the desire to eat, sleep, and be stimulated by sticking any and every nearby object into his mouth. He knows nothing of turmoil and chaos, except for the chaos he might cause by deciding not to sleep at the time when Rachel and I encourage such behavior. He has never met a person who does not love him unconditionally, and the world is a wondrous and exciting place. The reports he hears on the radio of violence and strife mean as little to him as my desperate pleas for him to go to sleep. Parenting, for this father, is nothing compared to the tribulations of a parent with a child constantly asking questions, or a teenager, or even an adult child, for I know that you never stop worrying about your children. All that changes is what you worry about. The parent of an infant worries about their child when they sleep. The parent of an adult worries about their child when they're awake. It's all worry and love, love and worry.

What we're here to talk about today is what the New Testament has to say about parenting, what we can learn. Not that the Old Testament isn't valid and filled with instructions and wisdom. It is. We just needed a particular window, and the New Testament will serve as that window. And this also doesn't mean that those of you without children can tune this out, because when the church makes promises in the baptism of a child, the entire church promises to help raise that child up, and that includes biological parents and everyone else. Each of you has a responsibility to each and every child that has been baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. So we're all parents, in some manner. Let's see what we can learn. We're not going to cover everything, and I doubt we'll even manage to scrape the surface of what we can learn, but I think it's worth our time.

I chose this passage from Luke to begin with because I think it describes perfectly our role as parents. It begins with our imperfections—or, as Jesus describes it, our evil nature. Jesus is talking about how imperfect we are, and yet even in our imperfections, even when we let sin reign in our lives, we occasionally get things right. Maybe not all the time, but more often than not, we get it right. Jesus is telling us that we know how to give good gifts to our children. What we do as parents is a reflection of what God does for us—as God is a loving parent to us, giving us good gifts that we don't always deserve, that we haven't earned, so do we pour out love and affection on our children, even if they haven't earned it. We don't tell our children that we'll love them if they are good—we love them in the hopes that they will learn about love from us and be good in response. Just as Jesus calls us to model his love, we try to live a loving witness and hope that our children will also be loving children.

But just like Jesus can't ultimately control us, we can't control our children. We can't will them to make the right choices, and we can't draw up a design for their lives. I can't make sure that Caleb never does the wrong thing, and I know that there will be moments when I'll be stunned by some dumb choice that he makes. I won't stop loving him, but I'll be disappointed in him.

But just because I know he'll make wrong choices doesn't mean I have the ability to stop trying to make him choose the right things. One of the parent's most important responsibilities is the opportunity to teach a child the difference between right and wrong. We begin early, by teaching kids to share and be polite. It becomes more complicated as kids grow older and the world around them becomes more complicated—we try to keep our kids from being prejudiced, from falling in with the wrong crowd, from choosing things that are not right. It's a constant struggle, especially as the world around us changes—Caleb will face different situations than I did when I was a kid, and I have the responsibility to teach him how to react to that, how to decide what is wrong and what is right. For all of these situations, I have Scripture to fall back on—Jesus is constantly teaching us how to live, how to love, how to treat others, insiders and outsiders. He's teaching us to be compassionate, to be graceful, and yet not to be afraid to name wrongs, to point out the errors of others. Listen to the way he describes the Pharisees:

Matthew 23:23-28

23 ‘Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint, dill, and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. It is these you ought to have practised without neglecting the others. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel!
25 ‘Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup,*so that the outside also may become clean.
27 ‘Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside look beautiful, but inside they are full of the bones of the dead and of all kinds of filth. 28So you also on the outside look righteous to others, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

That sounds a bit like an exasperated parent, doesn't it? We often paint Jesus as an opponent of the Pharisees, when the reality is more like a parent of teenagers—Jesus is trying to get the Pharisees to change, but the Pharisees think they know everything, and so Jesus stops using nice and polite language and confronts them, explaining to them that they are wrong. They are not called to live like they think—their hearts and minds are supposed to be focused on God, when their hearts and minds are focused on themselves. Jesus is trying to open their eyes that how they are living is wrong, and that the right path is to follow Jesus. One of our biggest responsibilities is to teach our kids right and wrong—they won't always choose rightly, but they should know the difference. We aren't supposed to teach them to do what feels right, to do whatever makes them happy—happiness is our not our end goal. Faithfulness is, and that will often mean going against the grain, and might make them unpopular. Discipleship can be a difficult road to walk. Teaching your kids about right and wrong won't always be easy—they may not like you for some of the lessons. That's ok—kids don't need parents to be their best friends. Jesus and the Pharisees hardly sound like they were best friends—but some of the Pharisees heard the message. In Luke 7, Jesus goes to eat dinner with a Pharisee. John 3, probably the most famous chapter of the Bible, occurs when Nicodemus, a Pharisee, goes to visit Jesus by night. Just because Jesus wasn't always nice to the Pharisees, trying to make them feel good, doesn't mean that he wasn't serving like a parent. He was trying to disciple them, not friend them.

Speaking of discipleship, the most important thing we can do as parents is to set an example for our children by living with integrity. Children learn far more from what they see than what they hear, and that can either be a frightening thing for us or it can be exciting. If we're living our faith with integrity, we will pass on a faith to our children by our actions. If all we do is talk about our faith, and it isn't real for us between Sundays, then it is doubtful that their faith will be robust. What example will they have to follow? The disciples followed Jesus everywhere—they learned by watching him interact with others just as they learned by listening to him teach. Your children are watching you—and they'll mimic everything you do. What will your actions preach?

Listen to 2 Timothy 1:5: I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you.

Sounds like Timothy's faith is something that has been passed down from one family member to the next—and it's a sincere faith. Timothy learned it at his mother's knee, and she learned it from her mother. These women have left legacies—not because they set out to lead famous lives, not because they hoped to have famous children—but they wanted to raise children who had integrity, who had faith, and their own sincere faith was passed along.

So let your own faith be sincere—it's the best gift you can give your child, and it's a gift you give by living out your own faith, each and every day. Be honest about your failings, and be humble about your success. And in all things, point to God above, for your children will see this, and they'll begin to imitate you. Be sure that your own life is worthy of imitation. This doesn't mean that children will not stray, that they will be the type of adults we want them to be—but it means that we do everything we can to help them grow into a life of faith and integrity.

There are tons of ways to pass faith along to children. One thing we can learn from the Mormons is that they are required to have a time of family devotions each week. I don't think it'd be a bad idea for each family in our church to do daily devotions, or to set aside some time each week to discuss faith and how we live it out. It gives us one more way to teach our children faith. It's also important that we pray together, for how else will our children learn how to pray? Jesus taught the disciples how to pray—let us follow his example and teach our young disciples how to pray.

I will not pretend to be an expert on raising children. I will make mistakes. My child will do things I will wish he had not. I will love him anyway.

In the same vein, I will do things Jesus Christ wishes I had not. I will choose the wrong thing. Thankfully, Jesus promises to love me anyway. May we do everything we can to reflect that love to the world.

Let us pray.