Shopping

  I do all the grocery shopping in our household.  It's an exercise I truly enjoy--there's something about wandering up and down the aisles of the store, knowing that I can buy whatever strikes my fancy, that I look forward to.

  But there is one thing that always improves my grocery store experience:  the shopping list.

  Why?  Probably because the shopping list frees me from the anxiety of wondering exactly what I'm going to cook for dinner.  By sitting down and thinking about what it is I need for the next few days, I am able to suppress the sense of panic of not buying enough for dinner.  I'm prepared, and it helps me relax.

  At some point during my visit to my local Publix last week it occurred to me that this sensation is not unlike my spiritual life.  I was wandering the aisles, desperate for inspiration for a meal, when I realized (for the 3287th time) that this anxiety is so unnecessary and could be prevented with five minutes of forethought.

  With my spiritual life, I'm convinced that planning and preparation are such huge parts of my experience in prayer and study.  That's not to say that spontaneous prayer isn't helpful, or that unplanned studies of Scripture don't help me grow, but when I think about the overall structure of my spiritual life, so often I'm left with the pressure of grabbing whatever is closest because I haven't sat down and thought about the overall structure of it.  I haven't spent the time dreaming about where I would love to see growth and how that might happen.  I just throw something together, panicking because I know that I need to do something.

  I don't feel like I need a list, but I need forethought.  A course of action would be so much more helpful--it would provide a structure onto which some flesh and bones can grow.  I don't want it overly rigid, but I long for some semblance of a destination, so that I might release myself from the anxious uncertainty of doing anything for fear of doing nothing and simply be in the presence of the Lord, relaxing in his tender care and following his loving guidance.

  I trust in the Lord completely to guide my feet--but if I spend some time in silence and reflection, it would help me see where the path leads, rather than simply lifting my feet up in the air and hoping they come down in the path He has set for me.